For me the journey to motherhood has been and will continue to be quite a roller coaster of learning, loving, emotions flying and mistakes happening.
I started my journey as the step mother to a little boy who now calls me “mom” but that story is for a post all to itself.
When I became pregnant with my daughter it was all excitement and preparation. You know you truly do over prepare in every way with your first and that’s okay. Don’t dampen a new mothers joy by trying to be practical and ‘save’ her future stress. She’s expecting a child there is no saving her from future stress. Anyway I digress….
I didn’t know who I was as a mom and am now realizing you never really will because you are always changing and growing. Parenting is a very unique and beautiful experience that can not fit in a blog post or a book. It’s unique to the person, child and lifestyle and it is ever changing.
The key is to realize this and roll with it.
My daughter is in Kindergarten and she is the best thing I encounter every single day hands down. Every day while full of stress, pain, emotions is full of excitement for me.
Once she was born my step son suddenly and unexpectedly came to live with us. We also lost our home and filed bankruptcy. During this time we decided it would be a good idea to have another baby. We knew we were probably nuts but we also had faith in ourselves and in God and the future. So while living in a 1000 sq. ft. house with 2 kids and our bedroom being the living room using a curtain as a wall we conceived my precious little boy.
This brings me to another point. There is not a generic apply to all situations good or bad time to have another baby. You have to look at your personal circumstances and decide for yourself as a family. While we still have many financial issues we are much more stable now than we we’re then and we recently seriously considering having more kids. But we decided for us now is not the time, that too is for a post all to itself.
I remember being at work (I’m a nurse) and I was in the Emergency Department that day and had a patient who needed moderate sedation and I wasn’t finished with my yearly check offs so needed someone with me and we we’re so busy but I had to ask my charge nurse to assist. I walked up to the nurses station where my charge nurse and department manager were and said “I have some bad news” and my manager immediately says “Your pregnant again?”! I said no and went about my work but never forgot that remark. Don’t let anyone make you feel anything about your own life and your own children. You are in charge of how you feel and the decisions you make in your life.
Again I digress….
At this point in my life we now had 3 kids and post bankruptcy decided to rent a house that was almost 3 times our previous mortgage- and we signed a 2 1/2 year lease. Bad call but we did truly love that house and made some great memories. We did however manage to save $0 and still had not set up any kind of retirement or savings or a much needed vehicle (we were borrowing my dads). So lesson learned? Nope. We moved “cheaper” but only by a few hundred a month which was not drastic enough to make a difference. We simply adjusted our lifestyle and are not much better than before. But hey living is learning right?
What is this blog supposed to be about anyway? Parenting! Yes that’s right! Back to it…..
Having 3 kids and more adult responsibilities changed me. With just my daughter I worked full time night shift and played with her and on my days off we shopped and just hung out together. We had lunch dates, play dates and days that there really wasn’t anything to do.
Now I have to fight and sacrifice just to get a few minutes to myself.
Right now I’m sacrificing making dinner so write this post. Guess we will eat sandwiches tonight.
The point is it happens without you realizing it but parenting changes you. And if your not paying attention the change can be bad. It became very hard for me to adjust to not having anything to myself- time, bathrooms, showers, money, food….. I suddenly felt like I lost myself and it made me sad and angry but at the same time happy because I loved my kids. I ended up being all over the place emotionally. I went from happy to sad to angry and back to happy again multiple times every day. I let the circumstances of my day or the mood of my kids dictate my emotional state.
I have since realized that I do that which was the first step. Then I make sure to do what I need to do to keep myself emotionally stable because I need that and my kids need that from me.
For me this means taking time to myself and having time with God each day. I don’t do that every day because sometimes I can’t get up at 5 or 530 because my finger keeps hitting snooze. Being a mom is exhausting and I just hit that little magic give me more sleep button. Other days a sweet little boy who likes to be an early riser is up giving me kisses and asking me to pretend to be a dinosaur at 5AM. On those days I think to myself he’s going to grow up before I know it and how lucky am I to be his mom. I’m the person he is so excited to see and play with that he can’t sleep. So I get up and become a dinosaur. I call myself “grumpy the dino”.
My daughter went through the same thing at his age and for weeks I would fight with her to get her to stay in her bed and go back to sleep because I needed that time. That was my time. But then I realized that parenting is about change. It’s not the same and I can make rules and have consistent discipline but I’m not in charge of my day. I can’t control my day anymore because my kids are people and you can’t control people. So I started incorporating quiet time in for her so she could get into the habit at a young age of starting her day off that way. You won’t catch me saying this in the morning (at least not before coffee) but I’m glad my kids are early risers.
In conclusion: To find your inner parent do not look to books, blogs, family/friends or other parents. Look in yourself and in your kids. Life is so short and full of so much joy and so much heartache. Whatever your facing find the joy. Your kids are watching you.